Not ayoba

We went to Yzerfontein last weekend and decided to do a little local shopping and found these:



Not cool! This however made me smile and I bought it for a friend.


MY ANNER RYDING IS JOU MA.
Tee hee. x

GHD resurrected

So a while ago my GHD starting being naughty. It still worked but only if I twisted the cord and held it at just the right angle. This being far from ideal I put the new limited edition purple model on my Christmas wish list. I think it's so pretty, my colleague said it looks like a sex toy. Anyway, knowing I've been such a good girl this year I was sure Santa would deliver the goods. Then Matjie suggested I investigate getting my old one fixed rather :( That's like getting old shoes re-heeled instead of buying new ones...But I reluctantly took to Gumtree and found the address of an establishment called Speedy Flat Iron Repairs (0747127084). I emailed them and explained what was wrong with my sick GHD but stressed that I could not be parted from it for longer than a day as I would then be unable to go out in public including to work. Mr Speedy is definitely in the right job as he completely understood and the next day operated on my flat iron and had it cured within an hour! And he only charged me R150. So GHD and I are in love again and I saved about two grand. See, it's nifty being thrifty even when you are a princess. x

Ass-ets

On my way to work I noticed the front page of The Daily Voice today read "Cheeky taxi drivers charge fat passengers bum tax". Well good, airlines should do it too. Although there may be the argument for them acting as effective airbags on the ground, in the air there is nothing worse than getting stuck next to a fatty. They sweat, steal your food and you have to literally climb over them to get to the loo. It was while I was contemplating bum tax and catching up on celebrity gossip that I stumbled, or rather almost tripped over this...


Reeling backwards from my computer in utter shock I barely managed to summon the colleague to have a look. Turned out he is quite familiar with "Coco" and appreciates her generous derriere. Coco Austin is the wife of Ice-T and is a dancer, actress and glamour model. She has also appeared in Playboy. And on her website she claims her booty is 100% real. As Eminem said it, "I ain't never seen an ass like that." JLo and Kim K have nothing on this girl!

A K-Dash Xmas

I'm obsessed with the Kardashians (was so bleak I couldn't go to the Brutal Fruit launch on Friday) and stumbled across this this morning. I love it! They look kindof like the Cullens from Twilight but that's probably what they were going for.


In stark contrast we have Miss Hilton's Xmas Card...Ho ho ho!


Where was she even going with this? She looks like an awkward mannequin in that pose and it is not her best angle either. Just arb in my opinion.
K-Dash 1, Paris 0.

Put a rock on it

With Wills officially off the market I thought I'd do all aspiring princesses a favour and see what potential is still out there and I am pleased to report that all is not lost. There is of course third in line Harry but he has an on/off thing going with Chelsy (as baby sister would say, "dump the bitch and make the switch")so let's look beyond mud island...Land ahoy!




Those are the Casiraghi boys, Andrea and Pierre, of Monaco. Next we have Prince Amadeo of Belgium



Don't you just LOVE a boy in uniform?! Grrr.

I then came across Prince Azim of Brunei...


Shudder. He may be worth $22 million but I would NOT even for this


Nicole Richie's engagement ring, sigh.
Well now that you have something to set your sights on I'm off to my company Xmas do. I will try and behave better than last year. Because I'd arranged a lift home I may have gone a tad overboard...What makes me think so you ask? Well, we dropped off a colleague of mine on the way and I met her mother in the driveway. Afterwards she said to her daughter, "She seems like a lovely girl. Shame about her speech impediment." OMG.

Must. Have. This!

The death of bum floss!

This is the best news I've heard in a while. Research shows that women are finally shunning the g-string. Personally I've never been a fan. They are uncomfortable, unhygienic (think about it...) and only for the benefit of straight men. The demise of the thong started when they became associated with strippers, chavs and the like. I have to admit I was forced to wear one with a white gypsy skirt (remember that trend?) a few years ago and after two hours excused myself from lunch, took it off and went commando. This is completely out of character for me but such was the level of discomfort. Even Twin Set and Pearls chose to go without when wearing a rather sheer dress to a high profile magazine launch, shock horror!
I was sorting out my undie drawer recently and found I have dozens of g-strings and I've only worn each pair once or twice. Why? Because they look so cute and sexy in La Senza that you forget why you don't wear them and think "ooh, I must have it" No more! Celebrate Women's Day by binning the bum floss!
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Kate Moss has been my style icon since I was 12 and here she is on her 1st and
(below) 30th Vogue UK cover. Despite the coke scandal and her notorious hard-partying I thinks at 36 she looks better with age and more comfortable in her skin. There is hope for us all...
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Summer Special

Love the simplicity of this ad although I think Minis are totally overpriced and overrated. Why drive something everyone else has? Give me something original.
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Clever

This ad works because EVERYONE can relate. Like the time I got home at 5am and there was a blackout in my apartment block and I had to take the stairs, got to the 3rd floor and realised I'd left my house keys in the car. Managed to retrieve keys but on the way back up the stairs lost my balance, fell back down stairs and the entire contents of my bag (including keys) went in every direction in the pitch dark. Luckily my screams woke a kindly neighbour ( thank you Harvey) who helped me gather up my things and helped me limp to my front door. Lesson learnt: be nice to your neighbours. You never know when you'll have a flat tyre (thanks AGAIN Harvey), a burst geyser or a maniacal vandal who takes a screwdriver to your vehicle (wow, WHO did I piss off?)
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Cute!

I don't usually like ads with babies because it's the oldest trick in the book (e.g. the Evian break-dancing babies ad)but this is sweet and obviously aimed at mom's or broody girls like me.
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Nice

1st rule of advertising - keep it simple.
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Look away now Ma

My mom is terrified I'm turning into a hippie but I love this picture.
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Mantra

World War II poster that inspires me during tough times. Nothing like the Brits' stiff upper lip to get one through.
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Super Jew

Took a trip to the Rheinfalls today and they are BEAUTIFUL! Stood on the viewing platform and got soaked with water, such fun - a must see if you are ever in Switzerland. Here's a funny moment I have to share and what earns Puff his nickname which is the title of this post... Me: "It's amazing baba!" Puff: "And free!" OMG, too funny. x

For Tata Madiba

In honour of his 92nd birthday, the poem that got Nelson Mandela through his time on Robben Island...

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
...Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed .Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

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Army girl

Yours truly in Puff's army gear - hardcore!
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Quote of the day

"You have to push your way in...a bit like life really."
Ma in traffic.

Aptly named

Hocus Pocus?

My sister aka Twinset & Pearls has always said that I attract freaks and recently I seem to be attracting strange occurences. Puff and I went to an island in the Limmat Lake and were just lying on the grass relaxing when I noticed a granny playing football with her two baby grandkids. I said to Puff, "Look baba, how cute is that?" at the exact moment when Granny did a run-up to the ball, gave it her best shot and it flew through the air and straight into one baby's face! I gasped and jumped up to look but baby recovered pretty fast after a cuddle from champion kicker granma. I so wish I had got it on camera, it seriously was like a scene from a movie.
Pure comedy. But pretty strange. Then, a couple of days ago, we were walking to the train station when two attractive women came jogging towards us and I thought to myself "damn, I must really start doing some exercise" and suddenly the girl on the right lost her balance, tripped and fell into the hedge. We rushed to help her up but she was fine if a little embarassed and jogged off. Those are just two examples but I really can't help wondering...if three different people have told me I was a witch in a past life could it be true?
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Greifensee

Woke up yesterday feeling the effects of the previous night's party (we had a braai which they call a "grill 'n chill" here)and found one of Puff's friends asleep on the couch. He duly woke up too and groaned about his sore head so I fetched him some Alka Seltzer (like disprin) and offered him a beer which he refused, "Nei!" (which sounds just like the not so polite Afrikaans word for doing the nasty) so I drank it instead. Once we had cleaned up we headed to a lake for a swim. You had to pay to go in and Puff showed his Jewish roots by trying to pay 5 Francs for both of us whilst the going rate is 4 Francs each. I was mortified! Everyone in the queue looked at us like we were the cheapest people alive. Gawd. Once we had gotten over that we found a lovely spot on the grass under some trees. We cracked open the cooler box and Puff's female friend and I helped ourselves to some Sangria. We went for a swim which was amazing, the lake water is so warm (hoping that is not due to people relieving themselves in it so was careful to not get any in my mouth)and there were little floating jetties you could suntan on and dive off. After a while I headed back to our spot and became aware of the group behind us (this is going to sound really mean but I am just observing and have mentioned it in an earlier post)...they were mentally challenged people and a whole lot of them. They are everywhere in Switzerland! I don't know if it's where all the other countries send them, that they are just allowed to engage in normal everyday life unlike SA where we stick them in homes or what but it's puzzling indeed. They didn't bother us at all though unlike a disgusting creature to our left who was asleep and had a large erection, euw. Puff and his friend were kind enough to point this out to me, quite why they were looking I don't know but it was disturbing. And as if that wasn't bad enough he then did a very loud fart. OMG! Added to this all old men here wear Speedos aka banana hammocks - do these people know nothing about style?! My stepfwaza owns one but quite rightfully only wears it in the privacy of his own garden. Maybe I should write to the government about it? Actually I'd probably get the same response as I did from a security guard at the public viewing area when I pointed out that Vuvuzela was spelt wrong. Her response? A shrug and "I didn't write it." So I took a pink pen out of my bag and corrected it, how patriotic! Anyway, back to the lake. I was becoming increasingly anxious about the retards, fart guy and seeing old men's genitalia so I tried to block it out with sangria which I managed quite successfully. The stuff is dangerous! I checked the bottle and it said it was only 7%. Lies I tell you! It tastes like juice and you just feel mellow but then all of a sudden you are legless. Luckily Puff can see the signs before I'm about to have a complete episode and convinced his friends that we leave. It was beautiful and I would definately go again but will pick a spot more carefully next time and take REALLY dark sunglasses.
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Quote of the day

"I'm rich so it doesn't matter."
Donald Trump when asked if he's worried his new golf development in Scotland might not work.
So direct and to the point - I like.
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For B aka Pink Panther

I'm not VB's biggest fan but she looks REALLY good here. Glowing skin, flawless make-up, perfect (fake) tan, super cute dress...a class act. But seriously, HOW does she walk in those Laboutins?
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Show dem! Boycott!

Things that make my toes curl

My mom always said hate is a strong word but these are some things I just can't handle:

- People who can't spell and / or don't know the difference between you're and your (FREAKS me out!)
- People who don't floss (super euw!)
- An unmade bed
- Floury apples
- Broken crackers


And y'all?
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Good-ish tactical advertising. Tsk, tsk Miss Hilton.
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Style Icon

Miss Moss at Kate Who?,an exhibit and auction of some of her most iconic photos shot by acclaimed photographer Mario Testino.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1292293/Kate-Moss-goes-chic-bleak-Kate-Who-photo-exhibition-opening.html#ixzz0stG4Z3Hf
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Facts on Heidi-land

It has been a month so I thought it's time to share what I've learnt and observed about my new home for those who are considering visiting Switzerland.

On the positive side:
- It is beautiful, safe, clean and peaceful.
- Public transport is super efficient and always on time.
- Everyone recycles.
- People are really friendly and polite.
- Most people speak English. This is a great relief after my previous Italian experience some of you may know about.
- 10% of the population are millionaires.
- Switzerland is consistently voted as having the highest quality of life in the world.

On the down side:
- The Swiss are not the most attractive race. All the babies and kids are super cute and then something happens and they turn old and not so hot. Maybe it's something in the water (note to self)? So, if you are looking for ass this might not be the place.
- This is going to sound really mean but there seem to be quite a large number of mentally challenged people. Maybe it is because here they are actually allowed to engage with society...? Not sure but ja. Just being honest.
- There are far too many Germans for my liking.
- Coke Lite tastes like Pepsi.

And there you have it,
Danke.
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Think bike. I think NOT.

The title of this post is of course referring to those yellow stickers that certain do-gooders put on their cars. It puzzled me for ages as to what they meant until someone informed me that it is part of a campaign to make people aware of cyclists' safety. Excuse me but am I wrong in thinking that it is cyclists who are a danger to themselves and everyone else on the road? They are in fact the greatest threat to personal safety here in Heidi-land. At least you can hear a truck or tram coming but bikers come whizzing down upon you without warning; silent but deadly. Some of them have little bells they ring but as I haven't heard one since the age of 6 I thought it was somebody's ringtone and was very nearly mowed down by a middle-aged woman with a baby trailor. I am still adjusting to all traffic being on the other side of the road and constantly have to remind myself to look left then right. This repeated mantra also made me realise that as a child my dear mother taught me the exact same rule...except it does not apply in South Africa. With our local taxi drivers it is a miracle I made it to 26.
Puff has been trying to persuade me for the past month to give cycling a try...Katy Perry looks cute on a bike but I am still not convinced. Then again, when in Rome...
If I can have a cute one like hers maybe I will. That's a fair compromise no?
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Is it just me or is there a resemblance between Rachel Hunter and Chelsy Davy (who I love) ? x

The great outdoors jou ma se...

This past weekend I was persuaded, against my better judgement, to go camping. Looking back I cannot believe I agreed to it but I remember the conversation going like this...

Puff: "It will be fun. All my other girlfriends loved it (!)"
Me: Angry silence and a dirty look.

However as I have few friends here I thought I could at least network whilst there. So Saturday morning dawned but as I had tossed and turned all night worrying about the trip I was grouchy and so not in the mood for conversing with anyone. After much debate it was decided I would ride with the boys and so I endured some reckless endangerment and 2 hours of Eminem (such an angry person!) which did nothing to improve my mood. When we reached our destination all I wanted to do was sleep which upset Puff who wanted to show me a lake but I was having none of it, took a bottle of red wine and zipped myself inside our tent. Some hours later I woke disorientated to a baby wailing and a domestic dispute coming from a nearby caravan. We were IN a trailor park. The old people next to us even had garden gnomes and plastic fruit hanging up in a basket. Basically I was in my own personal HELL. So I took a sleeping pill and went back to the safety of my sleeping bag. Sunday I had a pounding headache and had to help pack up tents, clean plastic plates and cups and generally do things that I really didn't feel like especially braving the ablution block and hearing old grannies doing number 2's. OMG. I literally ran out and went behind a bush instead. The highlight of the morning was playing badminton against Puff...because I won. I think he let me because I looked so miserable. On the way home we stopped at a lake for a few hours where people were tanning and swimming. I tried really hard to pretend I was at Kelvin Grove and I did swim for a little bit. Because it's glacial water it is icy but the most AMAZING torquoise colour. Very pretty. Finally everyone agreed it was time to go home. I almost jumped for joy. Until we started driving home. The car we were in didn't have aircon so I opened my window as it was VERY hot. Unfortunately for me the driver requested we close all the windows everytime we went through a tunnel (because of the traffic fumes)and there were a lot of them. I really thought I was going to boil to death. When we got to the driveway of our apartment block I jumped out and kissed the ground. I feel very bad as Puff's friends are really sweet and lovely but I am just not made for that sort of thing and now at least Puff believes me. And I got a tan. But I honestly found the whole experience so traumatic that I'm struggling to write this post.
The next morning I updated my facebook status asking everyone I am "friends" with exactly what part of camping is fun? One guy I know commented, "the part when you realise how good you have it." Truer words were never spoken!
I love you boyfriend but next time you're on your own.
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The price of beauty

The damage done by hair extensions. Be warned y'all.
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Too cute!

LOVE Hello Kitty! Needs it. Banging bod too. Jealous.
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A picture's worth a thousand words...

English fan at Bloemfontein Airport (for those who have been living under a rock Wayne Rooney looks a lot like Shrek. Poor Colleen).
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Quote of the day

"Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine."
Lord Byron

Song for the day

Kylie - All the Lovers

http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=kylie+minogue+all+the+lovers&aq=1

Elephant is random but otherwise love it. She looks gorgeous. Very cool concept.
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Smashed

Last weekend Puff and I attended the birthday party of a girl who lives on the posh side of the river. She has a beautiful home full of Alessi this and Philip Starke that overlooking the lake. Knowing I was new to Swiss culture and cuisine she very sweetly prepared Raclette, a tradional form of cooking that is similar to fondue. It was delicious! I LOVE cheese. In fact, I think I could live on it. We each got our own little flat, wooden spoon with a slab of cheese, cooked it under a grill on the table and then mixed it with all kinds of good things like pineapple, gherkin and bacon. Yum. We drank South African vino with the meal but I fear we overindulged slightly because after dinner Puff and I fell asleep on birthday girl's bed. Not very good manners, oops. The party clearly continued without us because when we woke up most of the guests had departed, besides the hardcore ones. We had another drink because, well, it would be rude not to and joined the revellers. One girl (who I really like so don't take offence) was quite well refreshed and living it up until she went in search of a toilet and we heard a crash from inside. We went to investigate and it turned out she had broken a very expensive-looking vase which happened to belong to the mother of said house who was away. Birthday girl was furious so we called a taxi and left quickly. It was obvious to me that we should get intoxicated girl home but the others wanted to stop off at a club. I suspected this was not a good idea but didn't want to sound like a mom so I kept quiet. When we arrived everyone disappeared and I was left to look after said girl who couldn't really walk or talk but kept trying to (unsuccessfully)dial a number on her phone. It was not fun so I found her a place to sit and went to find a taxi and Puff. It took some time but we finally rounded everyone up and were on our way home when girl woke up from her position next to the window and was sick. Taxi man exploded. It was a very nice car (a black Merc) so I could understand his anger but it's not like she did it on purpose. Gawd. We eventually reached the safety of Puff's apartment building and driver man wanted to wash his car. Fair enough. But after watching him wash it like 10 times over and charge us extra I had enough, gave Puff my purse and headed for bed before I did something I would regret. I learnt from this experience though...
1. Getting that drunk is not really fun (note to self).
2. Don't get sick in a taxi in Switzerland. It is expensive.
3. It's not a good party unless something gets broken (preferably a cheap glass)
Cheers y'all!
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Ikea!

I remember Swedish girls I worked with in London talking about Ikea so naturally I was excited when Puff said we were going there. The reason for the expedition was that Puff did not possess a bedside lamp (very odd in my opinion) or a dustbin (equally strange - men!). The place is huge! When we arrived, hungry, we got a hot dog and a sandwich for like 2 francs and that is very cheap for Switzerland and they tasted good! More of a snack than a meal but still. We had a slight hiccup when I had to disinfect my hands before we ate which Puff just doesn't get(I always carry hand sanitizer with me as I am phobic of germs). The couple next to us also looked at me funny. Then we went in search of the goods. I loved it! Especially the baby furniture section which Puff practically ran through. My broodiness freaks him out...but the cribs were so cute, I wanted one. They were like baby four posters. And then I remembered the bed we had seen at the Biscuit Mill and we hatched a plan. We found a huge mosquito net that is actually meant for outside (by now we had also found a lamp but in the excitement the dustbin was forgotten). When we got home I found some beads including the ones from Matjie's charm bracelet I broke at our farewell(sorry Ma!)and Puff spent the evening making strands we suspended inside the net which we hung over the bed. The result? Princess Bed! And a cool lamp. It was a successful outting. And inexpensive. Ikea rocks! I'm going back for the bin.
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Hyperchondria is a bitch

Yesterday I woke up convinced I was dying. I couldn't sleep and did not know what to do with myself. It did not occur to me that this might be due to the copious amount of vino consumed during Bafana's game against the frogs (Show dem! And we did!)I woke Puff up, informed him the end was nigh and insisted he take me to a hospital. He tried to tell me I was simply hungover but I refused to listen and, as girls do, cried until he complied. So we made our way to a surgery where a friend of his works for an appointment with the good doctor Guggenheim. The name alone cheered me up - hilarious! We had to wait a while which I despise so I entertained myself talking to the girls at reception and watched them take blood while Puff politely listened to some woman's story about her back problems and the health shoes she has to wear for it (snore). Finally my turn came and Guggenheim appeared. I obviously wanted Puff to accompany me but they have a law in Switzerland that only the sick person (me) is allowed in with the doctor. Dr G spoke English so this was no problem for me but Puff was not happy, bless his sweet heart...until he accidently poked me - Bad Puff!- with the sharp corner of a pamphlet about pollen counts during Summer(the Swiss really don't have a lot to worry about). I don't know if he thought doctor man would touch me inappropriately or what but anyway...I had to sit on a bed thingy and explain what the matter was. I told him I can't sleep since we got here (it stays light till 10pm) and he asked me why I thought so (c'mon man I just can't ok!)I explained that I tend to worry about EVERYTHING and thankfully he got it, wrote me a prescription and we were on our way. Suddenly I felt right as rain! Then we got Ed Hardy Energy Drinks (see below) and took the bus home. I finally got some sleep which Puff is still doing. I swear he could sleep as a profession! But I'm really just jealous. And he looks so sweet sleeping in the Princess Bed he made me. We saw one at the Biscuit Mill that I fell in love with. Unfortunately it was a tad pricey so we made one when we got here. Cute no?
Sweet dreams y'all.
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Lamps at Uetliberg

Only in Switzerland...

Quote of the day

"Stuff your sorries in a sack."
Pineapple Express

Thought for the day

"In victory, you deserve Champagne, in defeat, you need it." Napoleon

Public toilets Swiss Style

My Cape Town!

Just found this on facebook and don't know who these guys are but they're pretty damn good! Recognise some of the people in it too. Check it out...let's make them famous y'all!
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http://www.vimeo.com/12530142

Post defeat day

I woke up yesterday feeling, as I'm sure the whole of SA was, pretty fragile - physically and emotionally. CNN did little to lift my spirits as they interviwed correspondents over there who confirmed that the entire nation was bleak and even more depressing was seeing Mandela attending his great granddaughter's funeral. Hasn't the poor man been through enough in his life?!
After moping around the apartment most of the day we decided to venture out despite the inclement weather i.e. COLD! Summer my foot. We decided to explore the rich side of the river and took a tram to get there. Sitting infront of us was a little Italian girl and her au pair. For some reason this child was very upset and crying and with my weak grasp of Italian I deduced she was tired and just wanted to go home to her parents. Nanny was a super bitch and basically told her to shut it. I was shocked! A simple hug wouldn't have gone amiss but this chick was having none of it. Gawd. We got off and walked along the promenade. Quite different from Sea Point Promenade...told Puff the story about the old jewish lady who called the SAPS complaining she could see males doing unspeakable things inside the walls of the Sea Point pool. When they arrived at her flat they couldn't see anything and asked her to show them. At that point the old bat perched a chair on top of a table on top of another and pointed to the offending persons. The cops rightfully told her to sod off.
Shortly after the story-telling we came across a cove full of swans! I've never seen so many. And they had little babies and were attacking the ducks that came too near. Too cute. We took a stroll further and I noticed a really cool, multi-coloured glass building and asked Puff what it was. "Public toilets." No way! They were AMAZING! The kind you find in a fancy restaurant (I always judge a venue according to their ablutions and whether or not they have 2-ply). I was in public toilet heaven! From toilet inspecting we walked through a rose garden, looked at sculpures, saw Zurich's best plastic surgeon's offices, saw more amazing public toilets...while taking a photo of a fresco of a Greek rape scene I realized I had left my Nightmare before Xmas DVD in Cape Town and had a small sulk - annoying! Twin Set & Pearls has since promised to take care of it so all is good. By now we were tired and my head was pounding from all the cheap white wine consumed during the footie so we took a ferry down the river instead of walking back and it was really fun. In spite of boat driver's incredibly dodgy taste in music. I was loving Elton but he preferred super cheesy Carabian tunes and changed the station. Puff begged me not to say anything. Hmpf. On our way home we stopped at Migros, which is kind of like Spar in SA, and got some meat. And so Puff and I ended the gloomy day with a braai on the balcony in the rain with vino and each other. Not so gloomy after all.
"Always look on the bright side of life..." Who sang that anyway? Going to find out...
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Puff & Chum

Rodriguez and red wine inspired

Tree House!

Little Wheel