The wheels on the bus go round and round, and round, AND round...

Shortly before Puff and I relocated to Europe we took a trip up the Garden Route to visit his South African relatives. As Baby Possum's engine had seized (in the pouring rain outside Constantia Village with me in PJ's - oh the shame!)we attempted to hire a car. This proved unsuccessful as neither of us possess a credit card (too dangerous). The only option left was THE BUS. As I am prone to chronic boredom this didn't appeal to me at all but I knew Puff could not leave the country without seeing his family. I left the booking to him and tried not to think about it. D-day arrived, or rather 4am on a freezing, dark Monday morning. Half asleep we took a taxi to Cape Town Station. I had foolishly assumed there would be a pharmacy where I could buy something to help me sleep the hours away. There was and it was closed. Typical. We smoked a final cigarette and boarded the bus. Puff had booked the Intercape Sleepliner so we settled down, donned eye masks and ear plugs and looked forward to some much needed shut eye. I had been asleep for all of 5 minutes when I became aware of loud music emanating from the driver's cabin downstairs. I tried to ignore it but i tgot even louder and was accompanied by giggling and shrieking, grrr. This was followed by people running up and down the stairs and the aisle. The final straw was the stewardess trying to manually copy someone's credit card details by placing a piece of paper over it and rubbing it with a coin RIGHT NEXT TO US.

Me: "Excuse me! I thought this was the Sleepliner?!"
2 retarded stewardesses: "Stunned Silence"

I thought I had effectively conveyed my point and tried to go back to sleep when a loud, Afrikaans Male voice woke me:

LAM: "If you are being rude to my staff again I will put you off the bus!"

Puff groaned at this point. We had not even left Cape Town! I was momentarily shocked but gathered my thoughts and as calmly as possible explained that we were extremely sleep deprived, had booked the Sleepliner for this reason and would appreciate it if his staff could show a tiny bit more consideration for myself and all the other passengers on board. I was relieved to see a glimmer of understanding in driver man's eyes:

LAM:"They are trainees." (Not my problem!) "They will not bother you again."

And they sure didn't. They were quiet and extremely polite as was I. The next 9 hours went SLOWLY. So slowly in fact that it gave new meaning to the expression bored to tears. The bus went 60km the whole way and only stopped twice. For a nicotine addict this is sheer torture. But that is not all. This particular bus company also happens to be highly religious - they pray when you depart, show a 2 hour movie on Christian principles and pray when you arrive at your destination. As a Christian this was fine for me but Puff did not appreciate it one bit and I couldn't help wondering how a Muslim, Hindu or person of any other religion would feel about it? I suppose the more open-minded would watch and learn something they maybe didn't know before but I know some people who definately would not like to be stuck on a bus and preached to.
Anywho, we eventually got there safely which is the main thing but I will not be taking the bus again anytime soon. It was worth it though as we stayed in a beautiful place, in a tree house (no lies), played with puppies and kittens, drove Little Wheel (an original Golf Sport), walked on the beach, collected shells and generally relaxed.
Thank you Margaret and Sally!
Check out their facebook group: Tree House Arts.
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