The great outdoors jou ma se...

This past weekend I was persuaded, against my better judgement, to go camping. Looking back I cannot believe I agreed to it but I remember the conversation going like this...

Puff: "It will be fun. All my other girlfriends loved it (!)"
Me: Angry silence and a dirty look.

However as I have few friends here I thought I could at least network whilst there. So Saturday morning dawned but as I had tossed and turned all night worrying about the trip I was grouchy and so not in the mood for conversing with anyone. After much debate it was decided I would ride with the boys and so I endured some reckless endangerment and 2 hours of Eminem (such an angry person!) which did nothing to improve my mood. When we reached our destination all I wanted to do was sleep which upset Puff who wanted to show me a lake but I was having none of it, took a bottle of red wine and zipped myself inside our tent. Some hours later I woke disorientated to a baby wailing and a domestic dispute coming from a nearby caravan. We were IN a trailor park. The old people next to us even had garden gnomes and plastic fruit hanging up in a basket. Basically I was in my own personal HELL. So I took a sleeping pill and went back to the safety of my sleeping bag. Sunday I had a pounding headache and had to help pack up tents, clean plastic plates and cups and generally do things that I really didn't feel like especially braving the ablution block and hearing old grannies doing number 2's. OMG. I literally ran out and went behind a bush instead. The highlight of the morning was playing badminton against Puff...because I won. I think he let me because I looked so miserable. On the way home we stopped at a lake for a few hours where people were tanning and swimming. I tried really hard to pretend I was at Kelvin Grove and I did swim for a little bit. Because it's glacial water it is icy but the most AMAZING torquoise colour. Very pretty. Finally everyone agreed it was time to go home. I almost jumped for joy. Until we started driving home. The car we were in didn't have aircon so I opened my window as it was VERY hot. Unfortunately for me the driver requested we close all the windows everytime we went through a tunnel (because of the traffic fumes)and there were a lot of them. I really thought I was going to boil to death. When we got to the driveway of our apartment block I jumped out and kissed the ground. I feel very bad as Puff's friends are really sweet and lovely but I am just not made for that sort of thing and now at least Puff believes me. And I got a tan. But I honestly found the whole experience so traumatic that I'm struggling to write this post.
The next morning I updated my facebook status asking everyone I am "friends" with exactly what part of camping is fun? One guy I know commented, "the part when you realise how good you have it." Truer words were never spoken!
I love you boyfriend but next time you're on your own.
x

The price of beauty

The damage done by hair extensions. Be warned y'all.
x

Too cute!

LOVE Hello Kitty! Needs it. Banging bod too. Jealous.
x

A picture's worth a thousand words...

English fan at Bloemfontein Airport (for those who have been living under a rock Wayne Rooney looks a lot like Shrek. Poor Colleen).
x

Quote of the day

"Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine."
Lord Byron

Song for the day

Kylie - All the Lovers

http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=kylie+minogue+all+the+lovers&aq=1

Elephant is random but otherwise love it. She looks gorgeous. Very cool concept.
x

Smashed

Last weekend Puff and I attended the birthday party of a girl who lives on the posh side of the river. She has a beautiful home full of Alessi this and Philip Starke that overlooking the lake. Knowing I was new to Swiss culture and cuisine she very sweetly prepared Raclette, a tradional form of cooking that is similar to fondue. It was delicious! I LOVE cheese. In fact, I think I could live on it. We each got our own little flat, wooden spoon with a slab of cheese, cooked it under a grill on the table and then mixed it with all kinds of good things like pineapple, gherkin and bacon. Yum. We drank South African vino with the meal but I fear we overindulged slightly because after dinner Puff and I fell asleep on birthday girl's bed. Not very good manners, oops. The party clearly continued without us because when we woke up most of the guests had departed, besides the hardcore ones. We had another drink because, well, it would be rude not to and joined the revellers. One girl (who I really like so don't take offence) was quite well refreshed and living it up until she went in search of a toilet and we heard a crash from inside. We went to investigate and it turned out she had broken a very expensive-looking vase which happened to belong to the mother of said house who was away. Birthday girl was furious so we called a taxi and left quickly. It was obvious to me that we should get intoxicated girl home but the others wanted to stop off at a club. I suspected this was not a good idea but didn't want to sound like a mom so I kept quiet. When we arrived everyone disappeared and I was left to look after said girl who couldn't really walk or talk but kept trying to (unsuccessfully)dial a number on her phone. It was not fun so I found her a place to sit and went to find a taxi and Puff. It took some time but we finally rounded everyone up and were on our way home when girl woke up from her position next to the window and was sick. Taxi man exploded. It was a very nice car (a black Merc) so I could understand his anger but it's not like she did it on purpose. Gawd. We eventually reached the safety of Puff's apartment building and driver man wanted to wash his car. Fair enough. But after watching him wash it like 10 times over and charge us extra I had enough, gave Puff my purse and headed for bed before I did something I would regret. I learnt from this experience though...
1. Getting that drunk is not really fun (note to self).
2. Don't get sick in a taxi in Switzerland. It is expensive.
3. It's not a good party unless something gets broken (preferably a cheap glass)
Cheers y'all!
x

Ikea!

I remember Swedish girls I worked with in London talking about Ikea so naturally I was excited when Puff said we were going there. The reason for the expedition was that Puff did not possess a bedside lamp (very odd in my opinion) or a dustbin (equally strange - men!). The place is huge! When we arrived, hungry, we got a hot dog and a sandwich for like 2 francs and that is very cheap for Switzerland and they tasted good! More of a snack than a meal but still. We had a slight hiccup when I had to disinfect my hands before we ate which Puff just doesn't get(I always carry hand sanitizer with me as I am phobic of germs). The couple next to us also looked at me funny. Then we went in search of the goods. I loved it! Especially the baby furniture section which Puff practically ran through. My broodiness freaks him out...but the cribs were so cute, I wanted one. They were like baby four posters. And then I remembered the bed we had seen at the Biscuit Mill and we hatched a plan. We found a huge mosquito net that is actually meant for outside (by now we had also found a lamp but in the excitement the dustbin was forgotten). When we got home I found some beads including the ones from Matjie's charm bracelet I broke at our farewell(sorry Ma!)and Puff spent the evening making strands we suspended inside the net which we hung over the bed. The result? Princess Bed! And a cool lamp. It was a successful outting. And inexpensive. Ikea rocks! I'm going back for the bin.
x

Hyperchondria is a bitch

Yesterday I woke up convinced I was dying. I couldn't sleep and did not know what to do with myself. It did not occur to me that this might be due to the copious amount of vino consumed during Bafana's game against the frogs (Show dem! And we did!)I woke Puff up, informed him the end was nigh and insisted he take me to a hospital. He tried to tell me I was simply hungover but I refused to listen and, as girls do, cried until he complied. So we made our way to a surgery where a friend of his works for an appointment with the good doctor Guggenheim. The name alone cheered me up - hilarious! We had to wait a while which I despise so I entertained myself talking to the girls at reception and watched them take blood while Puff politely listened to some woman's story about her back problems and the health shoes she has to wear for it (snore). Finally my turn came and Guggenheim appeared. I obviously wanted Puff to accompany me but they have a law in Switzerland that only the sick person (me) is allowed in with the doctor. Dr G spoke English so this was no problem for me but Puff was not happy, bless his sweet heart...until he accidently poked me - Bad Puff!- with the sharp corner of a pamphlet about pollen counts during Summer(the Swiss really don't have a lot to worry about). I don't know if he thought doctor man would touch me inappropriately or what but anyway...I had to sit on a bed thingy and explain what the matter was. I told him I can't sleep since we got here (it stays light till 10pm) and he asked me why I thought so (c'mon man I just can't ok!)I explained that I tend to worry about EVERYTHING and thankfully he got it, wrote me a prescription and we were on our way. Suddenly I felt right as rain! Then we got Ed Hardy Energy Drinks (see below) and took the bus home. I finally got some sleep which Puff is still doing. I swear he could sleep as a profession! But I'm really just jealous. And he looks so sweet sleeping in the Princess Bed he made me. We saw one at the Biscuit Mill that I fell in love with. Unfortunately it was a tad pricey so we made one when we got here. Cute no?
Sweet dreams y'all.
x

Lamps at Uetliberg

Only in Switzerland...

Quote of the day

"Stuff your sorries in a sack."
Pineapple Express

Thought for the day

"In victory, you deserve Champagne, in defeat, you need it." Napoleon

Public toilets Swiss Style

My Cape Town!

Just found this on facebook and don't know who these guys are but they're pretty damn good! Recognise some of the people in it too. Check it out...let's make them famous y'all!
x

http://www.vimeo.com/12530142

Post defeat day

I woke up yesterday feeling, as I'm sure the whole of SA was, pretty fragile - physically and emotionally. CNN did little to lift my spirits as they interviwed correspondents over there who confirmed that the entire nation was bleak and even more depressing was seeing Mandela attending his great granddaughter's funeral. Hasn't the poor man been through enough in his life?!
After moping around the apartment most of the day we decided to venture out despite the inclement weather i.e. COLD! Summer my foot. We decided to explore the rich side of the river and took a tram to get there. Sitting infront of us was a little Italian girl and her au pair. For some reason this child was very upset and crying and with my weak grasp of Italian I deduced she was tired and just wanted to go home to her parents. Nanny was a super bitch and basically told her to shut it. I was shocked! A simple hug wouldn't have gone amiss but this chick was having none of it. Gawd. We got off and walked along the promenade. Quite different from Sea Point Promenade...told Puff the story about the old jewish lady who called the SAPS complaining she could see males doing unspeakable things inside the walls of the Sea Point pool. When they arrived at her flat they couldn't see anything and asked her to show them. At that point the old bat perched a chair on top of a table on top of another and pointed to the offending persons. The cops rightfully told her to sod off.
Shortly after the story-telling we came across a cove full of swans! I've never seen so many. And they had little babies and were attacking the ducks that came too near. Too cute. We took a stroll further and I noticed a really cool, multi-coloured glass building and asked Puff what it was. "Public toilets." No way! They were AMAZING! The kind you find in a fancy restaurant (I always judge a venue according to their ablutions and whether or not they have 2-ply). I was in public toilet heaven! From toilet inspecting we walked through a rose garden, looked at sculpures, saw Zurich's best plastic surgeon's offices, saw more amazing public toilets...while taking a photo of a fresco of a Greek rape scene I realized I had left my Nightmare before Xmas DVD in Cape Town and had a small sulk - annoying! Twin Set & Pearls has since promised to take care of it so all is good. By now we were tired and my head was pounding from all the cheap white wine consumed during the footie so we took a ferry down the river instead of walking back and it was really fun. In spite of boat driver's incredibly dodgy taste in music. I was loving Elton but he preferred super cheesy Carabian tunes and changed the station. Puff begged me not to say anything. Hmpf. On our way home we stopped at Migros, which is kind of like Spar in SA, and got some meat. And so Puff and I ended the gloomy day with a braai on the balcony in the rain with vino and each other. Not so gloomy after all.
"Always look on the bright side of life..." Who sang that anyway? Going to find out...
x

Puff & Chum

Rodriguez and red wine inspired

Tree House!

Little Wheel

Too cute!

The wheels on the bus go round and round, and round, AND round...

Shortly before Puff and I relocated to Europe we took a trip up the Garden Route to visit his South African relatives. As Baby Possum's engine had seized (in the pouring rain outside Constantia Village with me in PJ's - oh the shame!)we attempted to hire a car. This proved unsuccessful as neither of us possess a credit card (too dangerous). The only option left was THE BUS. As I am prone to chronic boredom this didn't appeal to me at all but I knew Puff could not leave the country without seeing his family. I left the booking to him and tried not to think about it. D-day arrived, or rather 4am on a freezing, dark Monday morning. Half asleep we took a taxi to Cape Town Station. I had foolishly assumed there would be a pharmacy where I could buy something to help me sleep the hours away. There was and it was closed. Typical. We smoked a final cigarette and boarded the bus. Puff had booked the Intercape Sleepliner so we settled down, donned eye masks and ear plugs and looked forward to some much needed shut eye. I had been asleep for all of 5 minutes when I became aware of loud music emanating from the driver's cabin downstairs. I tried to ignore it but i tgot even louder and was accompanied by giggling and shrieking, grrr. This was followed by people running up and down the stairs and the aisle. The final straw was the stewardess trying to manually copy someone's credit card details by placing a piece of paper over it and rubbing it with a coin RIGHT NEXT TO US.

Me: "Excuse me! I thought this was the Sleepliner?!"
2 retarded stewardesses: "Stunned Silence"

I thought I had effectively conveyed my point and tried to go back to sleep when a loud, Afrikaans Male voice woke me:

LAM: "If you are being rude to my staff again I will put you off the bus!"

Puff groaned at this point. We had not even left Cape Town! I was momentarily shocked but gathered my thoughts and as calmly as possible explained that we were extremely sleep deprived, had booked the Sleepliner for this reason and would appreciate it if his staff could show a tiny bit more consideration for myself and all the other passengers on board. I was relieved to see a glimmer of understanding in driver man's eyes:

LAM:"They are trainees." (Not my problem!) "They will not bother you again."

And they sure didn't. They were quiet and extremely polite as was I. The next 9 hours went SLOWLY. So slowly in fact that it gave new meaning to the expression bored to tears. The bus went 60km the whole way and only stopped twice. For a nicotine addict this is sheer torture. But that is not all. This particular bus company also happens to be highly religious - they pray when you depart, show a 2 hour movie on Christian principles and pray when you arrive at your destination. As a Christian this was fine for me but Puff did not appreciate it one bit and I couldn't help wondering how a Muslim, Hindu or person of any other religion would feel about it? I suppose the more open-minded would watch and learn something they maybe didn't know before but I know some people who definately would not like to be stuck on a bus and preached to.
Anywho, we eventually got there safely which is the main thing but I will not be taking the bus again anytime soon. It was worth it though as we stayed in a beautiful place, in a tree house (no lies), played with puppies and kittens, drove Little Wheel (an original Golf Sport), walked on the beach, collected shells and generally relaxed.
Thank you Margaret and Sally!
Check out their facebook group: Tree House Arts.
x

One for the boys

"Don't ask a girl what she wants (lots!). Ask her what she needs."
Tiara

My new desk

Puff's room is now also mine and he didn't have a table / desk or anything and trying to write in or on a bed is just not my style so we improvised. Cool huh?
Next is a bedside lamp, off to Ikea...
x

Love for Jonny

Finding myself in a new country, one of my biggest concerns is my lack of a trusted hair dresser. About a year ago I found myself in the same predicament when Warren from Carlton disappeared without a trace. In my humble opinion South Africa is pretty much devoid of well trained hair stylists and I endured many bad hair days until I payed Jonny Diamonds a visit. A girl I worked with actually tried to set us up which is the reason I found myself in his salon one Saturday. It is tucked away in High Constantia underneath Greens so most people don't even know it's there but it is worth a visit just for the interior - 50's pin-up girl wall murals, black and white floor tiles, gold flying ducks, dressing room lighted mirrors, retro everything and then you meet Jonny himself...Let's just say he is one of a kind. I trusted him immediately because he has this way of putting every client at ease and for a girl with OCD this is much appreciated. I love the Brits dry sense of humour and the man is hilarious! He has the most amazing stories that you forget you are even there for a haircut. And he serves vino not tea, I was in love! I miss him already...Give him a try y'all, you won't regret it.

Jonny Diamonds
Shop 5 High Constantia Centre
Constantia Main Road
021 794 2233

x
P.S. Just remembered he is selling the new limited edition colour collection GHDs and if you take in any old pair of hair straighteners you get a discount. Do it! I NEED the purple one.

Cabin Fever

I hate flying so the journey over here was not one I was looking forward to. I have always wondered why airports and airlines don't try to reduce the stress of travelling...but anyway. Take-off is the part I hate most and someone told me recently that if you count to 45 and are not in the air you can kiss your ass goodbye (thank you Duncan). I always close my eyes,pray and promise to be good forever if we can just make it there in one piece. This time I also almost broke Puff's hand squeezing it so hard AND screamed. Oops. Once I am actually in the air I can relax and this is always helped by the complimentary wine on board. Puff fell asleep almost immediately so I tried to distract myself with the in-flight entertainment on offer and Emirates' had loads to choice from (the food was also really yum). An Italian girl I lived with in London always called me Alice after the children's book so I thought I would watch Tim Burton's version. I loved it! But my favourite scene has to be the opening one which goes something like this...

Alice: "Father, am I crazy?"
Father: "Yes Alice, you are crazy, bonkers, round the twist. But I'll tell you a secret; the BEST people always are."

When we flew over the Swiss Alps I yodelled (hey, Heidi Klum looks cute doing it)and then sang that Gwen Stefani song, "High on a hill with a lonely goat, la la la."
After all, who wants to be normal?
x

Wunderbar

Stained glass window at Gross Munster Cathedral by Sigmar Polke.

Heidi-land!

So Puff and I finally made it to Switzerland! After some tears and tantrums at CT International ("ja, 37kg of pink luggage, what's wrong with that?!"), a very emotional bon voyage to la famiglia and a loooong Emirates (highly recommended)flight we touched down in Zurich.I cannot sleep anywhere other than a bed so I was rather emo by the time we reached our new home and went to bed. The next morning we ventured out and wow wee it is beautiful! Plus it's safe, clean and peaceful - pure bliss. We are staying IN a forest so we took a stroll and it feels like we were on the pages of a picture book. I think our new nicknames should be Hansel and Gretel! We walked to the nearby farms and saw llamas, fed baby cows, ate fresh strawberries, saw baby possum's great, great grandfather Citroen, almost got eaten by an evil farmer's dog...OMW, all the dogs and cats here are obese! The cat we encountered along the way made Fat Cat look miniature.
The rest of the day was spent unpacking so by dinner time we were exhausted and got McDonalds - R210 for 2 meals!!! Complete waste of money in my opinion but Puff was happy. Watched the kick-off concert on MTV and suddenly starting feeling very patriotic and think Shakira and K'naan were awesome.
Friday we decorated our vuvuzelas we bought all the way with us, donned green and gold and made our way to the public viewing area which was inside a castle courtyard. Beautiful but Switzerland has a law that all big screens outside can only be 1m x 30cm. Basically it was like watching green and yellow ants running around and I couldn't even see the ball so we watched the second half at home and made it back just in time to see Tshabala's goal. Eventhough we tied I am so proud of our boys, what beauties! We LOVE you!
Yesterday Puff took me to central Zurich. The underground trains are double storey, fast and so clean. I was feeling a tad fragile as we had celebrated with a lot of bubbly but I sucked it up and let Puff take me on a 4 hour tour of his city. We took a cable/train thingy up to to the University Campus, visited a museum full of stuffed animals I've never seen before, popped into the central library and window shopped. Then Puff anounced he was taking me to the best place to see the whole of Zurich. I agreed and we entered Gross Munster, a huge cathedral with the most amazing and unique stained glass windows by Sigmar Polker. I was quite happy just admiring them when Puff took my hand and led me to a small, actually make that ridiculously narrow staircase. We started making our way up when it became quite apparent that it was only possible for one person to go either up or down and some noisy Americans were doing the latter. Full on claustrophobia hit me and I shrieked and ran back down the stairs. At the bottom tourists looked up in shock and suddenly I felt ridiculous. So we eventually made it to the top and despite a hair raising moment it was worth it. The houses all look like they are made out of ginger bread, swans floated on the Limmat River and Puff pointed out where Tina Turner lives. We made it down and I informed the nerdy looking guy who was selling brochures on the church that they really should have a sign informing people of how narrow the stairwell is. He calmly replied that I am the first person who has ever reacted like that and most people make it up fine. Oh gawd. Bless Puff's heart for putting up with my drama queen ways. To calm down and cool down we had a dip in the river, well Puff swam as the current is very strong and I just splashed and tanned on a bridge. I think I will be very happy here in Heidi-land...high on a hill with a lonely goat, la la la. x